Mean Moms Wear Pink On Wednesdays…

We all are familiar with the 2004 movie, Mean Girls. It depicts how truly vicious high school social circles can be to one another, for really no good reason. As a mom of two young boys, I have come to realize that “Mean Girls” does not only apply to teenagers. It very well applies to many moms out there.

Since my oldest started going to school, I have met several moms. And with most of them, our first “play date” goes something like this….

“So, what do you do?”

“What does your husband do”?

“What do you do for fun?”

“What does your husband’s family do?”

“Are you guys vegan, gluten free, paleo, etc”

“How big is your house?”

And the list goes on and on. It is basically a domestic interrogation process. I remember the first mom I ever went on a play date with — I literally wouldn’t be done answering a question, when she would already start asking me another question. She didn’t give me a chance to finish anything. Was she a friendly mom, or a cop?!

That same mom later invited me to her son’s birthday party.  I remember being excited because it would be my son’s first little kid’s birthday party. Being that he was so little, I stayed with my son at the party. But, I let him do his own thing with the other children there. Me, on the other hand, had to swim through the seas of judging mommies. I felt the stares. I heard the whispers. I looked at my cell hoping it was time for the party to end. No one knew me. I was “the new mom”.

I decided to give myself an imaginary slap in the face, and approach these moms….say hello, and start up some good conversation. But, it was just plain awkward, and pointless. As I started talking to them, they would slowly start conversation with the moms they DID know, and leave me to fend for myself. I continued to try with other moms, but I was left like a lonely cactus in the desert. Why? I HAVE NO IDEA. Was it because I wasn’t brought into their circle by another mom? Was it because I wasn’t a part of the PTA board at the local elementary school? Was it because I was the only mom not wearing mom pants? Was it because I went to a kid’s birthday party in heels? Was it because I was wearing a full face of makeup? Who knows. But, what I did know was that if those were the reasons why no one really wanted to sincerely get to know me, than these “mom circles” were just like “The Plastics” in “Mean Girls”. And nothing about their theories or logic had any validation. And neither did mommy circles, apparently.

The years have now gone by. I have met more moms here and there, but I just can’t get into it. They do the interrogation, which is worse than dating. Then you have to wait and see if you “made the cut”. Oh! They’re calling you for a second play date! You made the cut! On the second play date, they talk garbage about the other moms they are “friends with”. And, as they’re talking about how ugly “Bobby’s mom’s hair looked yesterday”, I’m wondering what she says about ME, when she’s with Bobby’s mom! Just like Regina George!

It’s just an exhausting thing to deal with. I know not all moms out there are like this. But, where are they?! It’d be really cool to just meet some non-corny, overbearing, authentic, sincere, fun moms. You know, non crap talking, non PTA loving, non interrogating, non die hard crafting moms, just normal moms who just want to build real friendships with other moms. Not much to ask for, is it?

Now, I’m basically the “odd mom out” of the local preschool and elementary school. I don’t do the cliche mom things. I don’t go over other moms’ houses for coffee while our kids are at school. I don’t volunteer at every event my kids have at their school. I just live every day to make sure I’m raising my kids right, making my husband happy as he makes me happy, and of course working…because we all gotta make a buck, right?

With that said, Cady (Lindsay Lohan’s character in Mean Girls) said it right at the end of the movie, “It’s a jungle out there…”. That, it is. As a non conventional mom, all you can do is take it day by day. The “right one” is out there. The mommy friend who is also non traditional, and just wants to live life and love her kids. Done deal. One day, I’ll meet her. Wear a helmet moms…life’s tough….

Mommy: Party of One, And That’s OK

By Charlene Lazewski

Do you remember your high school days? The days of cliques, bullying, and unnecessary drama. Well, if you think those days are behind you, you’re wrong. Because, guess what? As moms, we are faced with a wave of mommy cliques, and indirect bullying. And, it’s even worse because these are grown up cliques. So, they’re no longer pups in the pack. They are wolves in the pack.

When I drop off my son at school (elementary school), the huddles of moms critiquing a certain teacher’s style of teaching, or complaining about the new grading scales, form all over the parking lot. It seems they don’t even come up for air. It’s just complaint after complaint. Most of them dressed still in their PJs, or sweats every single day. So, don’t give me the “oh well, maybe it was just a rough morning,” crap. For some of the wolf pack mommies, it’s a rough day every day….or so they say. You know because brushing your hair out, washing your face, and putting on a little BB cream and lip gloss is extremely time consuming to do in the morning.

So, what happens to moms who are just minding their own business, are in a nice outfit, accessorized, with full make up on, and they walk by these packs? They get stared down…down to the ground. Essentially, they get judged for no good reason at all. They get judged because some of these mommies that travel in packs, lose track of who they are as just women. They lose track of that desire to look as stunning as they can for themselves and for their husbands/partners. They become so indulged in all things mommy, that they just begin to look down and outcast the moms that do the mom thing, but still have a great grip on themselves as women.

Forget sexy date nights with the hubby. Wolf pack moms would much rather do play dates, wine nights with each other, and craft days with each other while their kids are at school. It’s 24-7 mom life, mom life, mom life. Heck, they invented #momlife.

Call me crazy, and I’ll probably be criticized by some crazy mom about this, but I hate play dates. If they happen, it has to be because I truly like the other mom. I don’t want to force a friendship just because our kids are friends. Sometimes moms don’t click, and that’s okay. I don’t want to do wine night with moms that sit around in circles, talking about what went on at the last PTA meeting. I don’t want to waste my time crafting, when I could be taking a nice relaxing bath, and then go out to Target and get the same reclaimed wood sign that the local mom wolf pack spent 3 hours making the night before. And most importantly, I don’t want to huddle around with other adult women, in front of my kids, judging other moms, critiquing teachers, and complaining about everything under the sun. What example is that for my child?

These mommy wolf packs are growing more and more by the minute, and it’s because parenting society has established this corny expectation about what “mom life” today, should be like. Well, guess what…I’d rather be a “party of one” mom. I’d rather show my kids how to be courageous, independent, understanding, and open minded. I’d rather show my kids that family fun, comes before friend fun. I’d rather show my husband on a free weekend how much he means to me with dinner, movies, and of course some sexy time. I’d rather be practical, and use my time for things that truly matter. I’d rather spend time with people who are genuine, sincere, and positive about our childrens’ education. I’m a party of one mom, it’s okay, and I love it.

 

Hey Moms…Quit The Wine-ing And Just Smile, Love It, Cherish It

As a mom of two little boys, I know parenting is not easy. All those parenting/mommy books….toss them. Every parent is entitled to their own style of parenting. After all, we’re all different….different personalities, likes, morals, views, etc. And, so are our kids. No child is the same. But, one thing I DO think all moms should do is stop with the “wine-ing”. When I was a child, moms wouldn’t talk of “vodka in the coffee mugs” or “mommy juice” meaning wine, in order to survive the parenting challenge. Mothers embraced their duties with their kids, dealt with it, lived it, and loved it. Now, I feel that moms are having babies, and then they’re complaining about it. It’s a tough job. The toughest job you will ever have. But, most moms chose this path. So, even when times get frustrating with the little ones, you should love it, and smile. Because, one day you’ll be wishing for those “pulling your hair out” moments with your kids. They grow so ridiculously fast. Each day they learn more, and let go of you a little bit more. Each day that you’re yearning for that time alone, and a glass of wine, their becoming more independent. They’re becoming their OWN person.

Yesterday, when I walked my 4 year old son into school, along with my 1 year old son, the police officer directing the school’s parking lot traffic, said something to me that really made me proud and accomplished as a mother. As, he gave me the green light to cross the street, he said, “you always have that genuine smile on your face…it never misses a day”. And, I thought to myself, “yeah…I guess I am always smiling when I’m doing things with my boys, and around other moms/parents”. I see moms daily, basically shoving their kids into school so they can finally go to the gym, or go have their coffee/gossip sessions with other moms. I hear the cliques of moms that hangout in corners of the school parking lot, complaining that they never can’t wait to open a bottle of wine, because their kids have driven them totally crazy this week.” Me, I listen, don’t say anything, and drive myself home to work (I work full time from home), but, not before I play with my 1 year old, and cuddle with him, and kiss him, and tell him how in love I am with him. Sure, he may not completely understand me yet. But, I don’t care. I want him to only feel love and happiness from me. Not bitterness and frustration. He and his brother are my sacred blessings. There are only one of each of these boys in the world. They are mine. So, that’s why I am happy every day with them. That’s why I VERY rarely open up bottles of wine in my home. In fact, the other day I had to dust the bottles I have in my dining room. That’s how long they just sit there. I don’t need them. I too, have my challenging moments with my kids, but I always make it a point to pause, and realize that I have been given the honor to be these kids’ mother. And, instead of yelling at them, I take them, speak to them with a normal tone, and explain to them what they did wrong, how to make it right, and I finish it off with a big “I Love You”, and a kiss.

My final thoughts are, you don’t need alcohol, gossip, and cliques to de-stress. Be thankful for your kids, stop complaining, kill it with kindness. Smile more, stop rushing life and your kids so much. Kids grow fast enough. So, take a moment, re-evaluate, and enjoy. It’s an extremely beautiful life.