We all are familiar with the 2004 movie, Mean Girls. It depicts how truly vicious high school social circles can be to one another, for really no good reason. As a mom of two young boys, I have come to realize that “Mean Girls” does not only apply to teenagers. It very well applies to many moms out there.
Since my oldest started going to school, I have met several moms. And with most of them, our first “play date” goes something like this….
“So, what do you do?”
“What does your husband do”?
“What do you do for fun?”
“What does your husband’s family do?”
“Are you guys vegan, gluten free, paleo, etc”
“How big is your house?”
And the list goes on and on. It is basically a domestic interrogation process. I remember the first mom I ever went on a play date with — I literally wouldn’t be done answering a question, when she would already start asking me another question. She didn’t give me a chance to finish anything. Was she a friendly mom, or a cop?!
That same mom later invited me to her son’s birthday party. I remember being excited because it would be my son’s first little kid’s birthday party. Being that he was so little, I stayed with my son at the party. But, I let him do his own thing with the other children there. Me, on the other hand, had to swim through the seas of judging mommies. I felt the stares. I heard the whispers. I looked at my cell hoping it was time for the party to end. No one knew me. I was “the new mom”.
I decided to give myself an imaginary slap in the face, and approach these moms….say hello, and start up some good conversation. But, it was just plain awkward, and pointless. As I started talking to them, they would slowly start conversation with the moms they DID know, and leave me to fend for myself. I continued to try with other moms, but I was left like a lonely cactus in the desert. Why? I HAVE NO IDEA. Was it because I wasn’t brought into their circle by another mom? Was it because I wasn’t a part of the PTA board at the local elementary school? Was it because I was the only mom not wearing mom pants? Was it because I went to a kid’s birthday party in heels? Was it because I was wearing a full face of makeup? Who knows. But, what I did know was that if those were the reasons why no one really wanted to sincerely get to know me, than these “mom circles” were just like “The Plastics” in “Mean Girls”. And nothing about their theories or logic had any validation. And neither did mommy circles, apparently.
The years have now gone by. I have met more moms here and there, but I just can’t get into it. They do the interrogation, which is worse than dating. Then you have to wait and see if you “made the cut”. Oh! They’re calling you for a second play date! You made the cut! On the second play date, they talk garbage about the other moms they are “friends with”. And, as they’re talking about how ugly “Bobby’s mom’s hair looked yesterday”, I’m wondering what she says about ME, when she’s with Bobby’s mom! Just like Regina George!
It’s just an exhausting thing to deal with. I know not all moms out there are like this. But, where are they?! It’d be really cool to just meet some non-corny, overbearing, authentic, sincere, fun moms. You know, non crap talking, non PTA loving, non interrogating, non die hard crafting moms, just normal moms who just want to build real friendships with other moms. Not much to ask for, is it?
Now, I’m basically the “odd mom out” of the local preschool and elementary school. I don’t do the cliche mom things. I don’t go over other moms’ houses for coffee while our kids are at school. I don’t volunteer at every event my kids have at their school. I just live every day to make sure I’m raising my kids right, making my husband happy as he makes me happy, and of course working…because we all gotta make a buck, right?
With that said, Cady (Lindsay Lohan’s character in Mean Girls) said it right at the end of the movie, “It’s a jungle out there…”. That, it is. As a non conventional mom, all you can do is take it day by day. The “right one” is out there. The mommy friend who is also non traditional, and just wants to live life and love her kids. Done deal. One day, I’ll meet her. Wear a helmet moms…life’s tough….